Major Ass

I have a family member in the Army reserves. If you think Scouts are mentally unstable (and you should), they are nothing next to the freaking lunatics that run our defence force.

Today I received a rather stern phone call during which the caller identified himself as Sergeant Donner. Except he spelt it out. Spelling ’sergeant’ as “S. G. T.” Rather than asking if I had to time to answer his ridiculous series of questions asked in a faux-official manner (put-on deep voice and always calling me ‘Sir’), he simply barraged on to the point of absurdity. He was asking about the make and model of our cars and often said things like “Thank you sir, I’m making a note of that for future reference.”

He asked what my army relative looked like as he wasn’t sure he could place the face. As a joke I replied, “he has cropped hair.” This went well and truly over this guy’s head. He then asked if he had ever been to and I said “Perhaps.” To which he responded with the perfect punchline “Oh yes, I think I know him now”, except he really meant it.

That said, at least Army guys don’t wear toggles or woggles or whatever the hell those sweat-shop made knobs of crap are.