Out Of Order

I was having a completely rational shower (as in rational thought, not rational food) when the horrifying thought dawned on me: What if I am actually suffering from a mental disease that prevents me from understanding the realities of my own actions but still allows me to view the rest of the world as normal?. What if everything I do is not actually what I do and the whole world is laughing behind my back but pretending I don’t have this disease to my face because my mother or someone told them they had to be nice to me.

The more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed. Does this explain why people are nice to me? Perhaps this is the reason I am so good at absolutely everything? Almost definitely, yes.

Then I considered why I had never heard of this disease. Surely it would be rare and I probably would have been on the television at some point. I doubt my parents could have hidden it from me considering they type web addresses into the google box and need help deciding which side of the CD to play. No, it had to be operating on some higher level. I have to be living in an institute.

An institute with debt problems, thus the frequent moving of house that I experience. Without a doubt, this would be broadcasted out to the world via hidden cameras behind every mirror and nook and cranny. Should I cover my bits in the shower? No, they’d do that for me digitally. I hope they use a black box with the white text saying “CENSORED” rather than the large pixels. I fear one day the technology will exist to reverse the large pixels process and suddenly half the world’s private parts will be available.

Then the temperature of the water in the shower changed and I was jolted back to the realities of the white tiles and blue bubbled geometric fish tile border that runs around the room. I realised, disease or not, that I have a fear of not being taken seriously and underachieving and that I probably should not study so hard and worry about what people think of me and get some sleep. After all, the whole world could be laughing behind my back.