We have been released from that purgatory called “Production Week” for the concert.

We didn’t spend the time worrying and flapping about, instead taking the time to partake in a little serious conversation. Amongst other topics, we discussed the various aspects of pooping (becoming a bit of a theme around here), including ways of passing the time while passing your stools, doing the pants-down dash for a new toilet roll and an issue that Hannah was clearly passionate about: shitting under pressure.

Rest assured it’s not all hard work though (no longer talking about turds), we occassionally get to play make-believe and dress-ups:

I promise to blog less about bowel motions*.

* I can’t possibly make that promise. Who knows what might come up.

Some friends and I were discussing the underscoring in Disneyland bathrooms, ensuring that each and every bowel movement is accompanied by music that will set the right dramatic tone. Have you been eating lots of sweets? Expect a comedy cue, perhaps something out of Aladdin. Had something rather frightful to eat? Perhaps your plops will best be suited to some scary horror cues.

Personally, I’d like to see this idea developed. We discussed theming our own bathrooms, and I came up with a few ideas:

I’ve had my fun, any ideas, suggestions?

Here I was, sitting calmly listening to music and doing some reading on a warm Saturday night. The breeze blowing through the flyscreens, now wet from the earlier pour, had a icy nip to it. Then suddenly… CRASH!

Australia’s Youth™ were back and decided to smash things on their way through the street as usual. I heard a whole lot of voices and shouting and next thing you know a drunk sixteen year old is pinned to our driveway, swearing, under the unrelenting hold of a rather large security guard.

I won’t go into too many details because it’s is all the usual elements to such a story: drunk kid pretends he’s been bashed by security guard while of course he’s entirely innocent. Uses such carefully considered phrases as “I haven’t had anything at all to drink! Just like, three or so beers.” When the police finally turn up (after a whole bunch of his drunk friends rally around him), he gets the usual treatment - a slap on the wrist and his drinks tipped out.

Honestly, kids these days….

Oh no!

UPDATE: It’s twenty to three in the morning and the fire brigade have just turned up after the kids set the garbage bins on fire a few doors up. It’s the house of a young couple with a small child, and these kids are starting fires. I’m starting to believe in forced lobotomies.

Happy Birthday to Greg! Greg tells me he is not at all adverse to drinking “piss water”, and likely with a higher percentage of waste to H2O than most would tolerate.

So, who wants a bigger bit of cake?

I love getting free stuff. I love 80s slasher films. Put this together and you should be smelling the ripe blog I’m about to squeeze out.

Chae and Tim, whom you may remember as the pair who had me dry wretching over some microwaved sweets, have come through once again this time with a DVD copy of Prom Night, eighty-nine minutes of pure 1980s slashfest starring the leading lady of horror, Jamie Lee Curtis.

If you’ve never seen it, which is a safe bet, I won’t be ruining any surprises by telling you it features a killer running rampant at a high school prom night. What isn’t quite so obvious from the cover is the dazzling array of treats to delight you along the way. Let’s take a look see at a few of them, shall we?

Curly Haired Boys: At some point the casting director thought it would be magnificent to cast two guys with curly hair who look somewhat similar to play the two young male leads in the film. To add to the confusion, Boy 1, who is our lead’s brother is seen in almost romantic scenes while Boy 2 isn’t clearly established as the boyfriend of the lead. Clearly, this struck someone else at some point during the production so I failed to find a scene with Jamie Lee and Boy 1 in which the latter did not say “But I’m your brother!” What to do with that pesky exposition? Just say it and get it over and done with, of course!

Creepy Janitor: This classic is clearly not afraid to be drawn of genre archetypes, and this is one of the most famous. This creepy janitor is established very early with some line like “He’s so creepy. He’s always staring at me.” Complete with mental disability and greasy appearance, he’s linked to every plot point in such an obvious way that you can instantly rule him out as the murderer.

Breathy voice: Long before “Do you like scary movies?”, our favourite AT&T customer was ringing up the chicks to ask “Do you still like to play games?”. What puzzled me throughout was why the caller’s apartment was so sparse. Sure, set dressings can be expensive, but would a bowl of lillies or something go astray?

Jamie Lee as Hedwig: There can be little doubt that Jamie Lee’s appearance in Prom Night would have been an inspiration to John Cameron Mitchell for Hedwig as the two look spectacularly similar in many instances throughout the movie. Jamie Lee’s strong diamond shaped head and her frighteningly emphasised cheek bones had me expecting a rock ballad at every moment. Alas, I didn’t get it, but I did get…

One Disco Number, Repeat Ad Nauseum: Not content to mindlessly leech just one popular fad at the time, producers figured the disco world was ready for a scare and inserted a lengthy, completely choreographed dance break for Jamie Lee to strut her stuff. Parallel cutting between the murderer on the chase and Jamie’s hot moves, the DJ seems to have left one track, suspiciously titled “Prom Night” on continuous loop on the turntables. Hey, where did that DJ go?

Effeminate Murderer: Unlike most murderers who can slowly advance on their prey with 3 metre strides, this murderer does a lot of running and chasing. When the murderer finally does catch up, it seems to let out an assortment of girlish squeals as he judo chops and super slow motion throat-slits that would make even Mr. Humphries seem like a world class boxer.

Leslie Nielsen: If you thought Naked Gun was Nielsen’s greatest crime against Art in the 20th Century, perhaps you should pay Prom Night a visit. In a spectacularly unfunny role, Leslie exceeds all expectations and even has the dignity to disappear half way through the movie allowing a few people to ask “Where’s Mr. Hammond gone?”

Sequels: Although Prom Night didn’t rack up the number of sequels Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street did (10 and one expecting, and 7 respectively, plus the crossover film for those playing at home), three sequels were produced, the last in 1991 and all three of its sequels are available on DVD. Apparently the only thing connecting the films is that they all take place at the one school. Man, wouldn’t that school be low on the national register.

Mr. Pose: As if the above seven points were not enough reason to see the film, this eighth point set me over the edge: This character. By far my favourite part of the film, one fan website simply labels him “Gang Member”, but he was so much more. Serving as the school bully/slob Lou’s sidekick, for each of the 1.6 seconds he’s on screen he’s sporting the exact pose you see above. Sometimes he turns his head forward for variety. His grip on the jacket is quite magnificent. In fact, it seems the actor, Lee Wildgen, was so taken by his own ability to hold things that he felt his experience in this film put him in good stead to become the Props Guy for a whole range of television productions.

I think that’s what touches me most about the film. It’s that heart-on-the-sleeve enthusiasm for chasing your dreams and being the very best you can. Oh, and the throat slashing, teenage sex and drug abuse. Thats fun too. A film for the entire family. Available in all good bookstores. Must close this weekend.